Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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