It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
