woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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