she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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