even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
