Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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