my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
