No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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