I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
