I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
