as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
