Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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