Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
