I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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