Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
