Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
