So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
