Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I AM VODKA MAN
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize