Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
