I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
