it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
