Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
