dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Enjoy the penises
My Sexting was not on an AP level
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
