Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
