just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
