Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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