So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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