i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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