Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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