Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
