...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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