Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your penis caused this!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
