Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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