Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
