yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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