hotel room ftw
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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