she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
