i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
