oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
