Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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