THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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