I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i've created a new STD.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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