nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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