Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
