You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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