i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
