I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So drunk its hurt
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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