half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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