Me too!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
