it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
