okay pat passed out under dana's car
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
