it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
