It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
