Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
