At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
