He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
