You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
