i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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