I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
