Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she smelled like a LAN party
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.