I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize