we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.