the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"