After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog