Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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