East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
