My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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