I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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