I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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