you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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