I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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