Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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