I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
