Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
