I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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