Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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