I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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