Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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