Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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