I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize