Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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