so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
