see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
