Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish i was in the wii world.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
