i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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