is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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