Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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