but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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