Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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