my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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